Start Ten simple rules for dating my daughter

Ten simple rules for dating my daughter

Some people have a very difficult time spelling out what they want from their spouses. But it is unrealistic to expect that level of service all the time.

Generally, it is advisable to actively check out your spouse's readiness by asking, "Can you listen to me now?

But if we are talking about what is right and wrong, we will be much less likely to come to an agreement. They think, "Anyone would feel the way I did." It is so obvious to them that their feelings were "normal" that they see no need to explain to their spouses exactly why they feel the way they do. You will not be able to get what you want from your spouse unless you are able to articulate exactly what your needs are. " These people harbor the wish that their needs will be fulfilled by their spouses knowing without being told.

Instead, they simply recount the disturbing events and let the tale speak for itself. If you do not explain, in the most specific language possible, exactly how you felt, your spouse will not understand what bothered you. You have to tell your spouse not only what bothers you, but also what you would have wanted done differently. Certainly it is very gratifying to have your needs met without even asking.

It is far better, therefore, for the speaker to be selective and choose to address only one, or at the most, two issues at each communication session. It is only through the questions of the listener that the speaker's words are fully understood.

You would not learn very much attending a class if you were never permitted to ask questions.

Attacks tend to begin with "you" statements, such as "You are? Sarah felt that her husband, Zev, was very stingy about giving monetary gifts to their married children.

She felt he was selfish when he insisted that he wanted to keep his money for himself.

Once your spouse hears any slight exaggeration on your part, (s)he will feel fully justified in rejecting everything you have to say. Many people like to play amateur psychologist and figure out what others are thinking.